I’ve Turned 40

Reflections on Power, Presence, and Self-Love

At 40, I reflect on this life experience—where I am, what I’ve accomplished, and where I’m heading. It feels good. I feel youthful and proud of my progress, particularly in my writing and spiritual growth. I feel more connected daily—heart, body, and soul. And yet, I recognize I don’t celebrate these achievements often enough. Building a practice of celebration feels essential, not just as acknowledgment but as a reinforcement of healing. Through neuroplasticity, I know this will help me trust the work I’m doing, the words I’m creating, and the self-love I’m cultivating.

This journey isn’t just about personal healing. It’s about sharing tools, perspectives, and hope with others who might feel lost. It’s about offering a framework to help people regain control—not in the rigid sense of micromanagement, which creates tension in the body, but in the liberating feeling of trust—trust in ourselves, the process, and the beauty of the present moment.

When we let go of the need to control, something shifts. Control often exists as a false remedy for fear or uncertainty, but releasing it allows us to be more fully present. Presence isn’t just a concept—it’s a practice. It’s about noticing our body and mind's tension and learning how to release it.

Take the mundane, for example. Taking a dog to the park can be beautiful if we drop the mental clutter of “shoulds” and “coulds.” When we obsess about what we should be doing, we project ourselves into a different timeline—into the future, away from where we are. But everything changes if we choose to simply be—to feel the sun, hear the rustle of leaves, and watch the sheer joy of a dog running free. The mundane isn’t mundane anymore.

Reengineering Awareness

Our bodies are incredible tools, immediate reflections of the stories we tell ourselves and the power struggles we engage in. Think about how specific thoughts—money worries, body image concerns, or unresolved emotions—manifest as tightness in particular areas of the body. For some, it might be clenched abs; for others, tension in the jaw or shoulders. These physical sensations hold the key to understanding our deeper frustrations and anxieties.

I’ve realized that healing begins with awareness of the tension, the story, and the energy we hold. It’s about asking ourselves, “Can I let go of this tension? Can I experience this without gripping onto it so tightly?” This isn’t just about the physical release; it’s about disentangling the emotional, mental, and energetic attachments.

For example, I read once that while there’s a specific chemical process for tensing muscles, there isn’t one for relaxing them. Relaxation is the absence of tension, and it starts with awareness. When I relax, I feel the energy flow back into my body, like blood rushing into a hand after releasing a fist. This flow isn’t just physical—it’s a metaphor for how resources, healing, and life return to us when we let go.

The practice of presence is essential. It’s about reconnecting with the subtle sensations in the body and bringing awareness to the places where we hold tension. We make space for lightness, energy, and healing when we notice and release. It’s a simple, profound act that needs to be relearned daily.

The Power Struggle Within and Without

We live in a world obsessed with power—power games, power grabs, and the relentless pursuit of dominance. It’s exhausting and takes a toll on our bodies and minds. This constant comparison fosters a destructive narrative of inadequacy.

But this course, this journey, isn’t about power struggles. It’s about self-love. It’s about dismantling the beliefs and energies that keep us stuck in cycles of frustration and self-doubt. It’s about recognizing that these power games are external projections, and we get to choose to stop playing them.

When we let go of the struggle and focus on building trust—trust in ourselves, our process, and our relationships—we begin to heal. This is the foundation of the quantum realm, where everything is interconnected. True power isn’t about dominance; it’s about harmony. It’s about millions of cells working together in trust, like a murmuration of birds moving as one.

Reclaiming Presence and Power

I feel a ferocity behind these realizations—a fierce truth that demands to be spoken and lived. When I take the time to separate from external noise and focus inward, I feel incredible power. I gain allies within myself—my cells, my energy, my awareness—all working together in alignment.

This is the power of presence. It’s the power to engage fully with this moment, this breath, and this experience. It’s the power to reclaim our awareness from the endless stream of thoughts, distractions, and external validations that pull us away from ourselves.

Yes, I may still hear a negative thought in my head or feel the pull of old coping mechanisms, but I now have the tools to come back. I now understand that the power lies not in controlling the experience but in fully inhabiting it.

I want to share with others the tools to reverse-engineer frustration, trauma, and disconnection, the tools to reclaim hope, trust, and self-love, the tools to dismantle the narratives that keep us stuck and reconnect with the part of us that always remains—the part that is whole, steady, and unchanging.